the last person to post here, wins

I love writing, I truly do, and I love getting on the computer and going through all of my sites and pages, it's fun. Lately though, it's felt like an obligation. If I don't go, I'll let down those who are expecting me, and If I don't go, then what am I to do? sit at the TV and watch reruns of shows I don't like? I have nothing else. This is what I am. Why then doesn't it feel like it use to? I use to get anxious and impatient when I wasn't able to get on the computer every day and spend my time going through my pages again and again, and I couldn't spend not a single day without joining at least three chats at once; it use to be exhilarating. Now, its just...meh. It's there, and it's what I do. I love writing, but my passion for it has taken vacation it seems. And it's frustrating, and it's unsettling. Writing is what I am, it's what I do best. Without the ability to put my imagination out on paper, then I'm nothing but a daydreamer sitting out under a tree and looking blank-eyed to the clouds for hours on end.

"...a writer doesn't need to explain, she just needs to produce, her benchmark is herself and she does prostrate herself for fame, critical acclaim or fortune, she writes to expel that which is within..." explained the goblin who knew that the muse takes time off, that's all)

without a real coffee, the goblin's mind turns back to where he was at this point, sitting in an Internet cafe in London's Earls Court road with the day to himself as a tourist in the city that he grew up in and seeing everything as if one was looking at some ex girlfriend knowing why it ended yet still wasting thoughts on "what if we were still together, what if....," but she had been a crushing mistress then, and today too the cold damp reserve of this place almost reflected in its inhabitants leaves little doubt in the goblin's mind as to why he left London, and anyway as, one by one, those last remaining family ties snap, the goblin knows he is slowly casting this unforgiving place to his memory as if ridding on by unlikely to return

repost from elsewhere

xxxxxx wrote:

But tell me this oh foul and evil goblin thing, what is the point? I mean at the end of the day nothing ever changes, nothing we do really matters. So, why bother? Why do we exist? Wouldn't the world be better off without us?

the goblin hailed the queen of the zombies for her presence "... yes, a cheap person might be dissuaded by an argument of life's futility, that, or by some grand promise of heaven or some dire threat of hell..." said that goblin who made a point of caring far less for what lies ahead of him than for caring for that which lied within him, so the goblin continued "...so don't you want to know who you are by what you post then in spite of it all..."

continued repost from elsewhere, same thread

xxxxx wrote:

fleamaillman wrote:

[...so don't you want to know who you are by what you post then in spite of it all...

So who is going to tell me who I am, and does who I am really matter? Can I use the knowledge of who I am to effect any change in the world, to do good or to help people? I see no point in any of this, all we manage is to destroy and hurt!

"...no one can tell me who I am but a reflection of who I am is shown in what I do my "dailylife" and shown in the words I choose to write here upon it..." said the goblin knowing that an awareness is grown from facing the slot like this, he continued "...the conditioning of "dailylife" and the moneygod are exactly those which make one blind to oneself and insensitive to others, so that constant question of "what in my life is worth posting" is just a counter conditioning tool, not a religion...", and with that the goblin linked the lupusMCTD site's "last post" thread wondering what someone could give someone in their situation beyond listening and knocking them off last place on the "last post" thread

http://www.lupusmctd.com/index.php?topic=3363.new;topicseen#new

"...you say you cannot win but no, anyone who posts here wins..." said the goblin "...it's only that life moves on so one has to keep winning against oneself...", the goblin's mind went back to the reading Mervyn Peake's trilogy Gormennghast, and seeing the author fighting Parkinson's disease through his lines, "...the end is the same for us all, but I am going to that end winning against myself, it's that simple..." said the goblin

the goblin's heart was like a plant that gets broken in two and flung to the ground, "...two hearts will grow back..." he promised, in fact, he didn't know how many hearts he had by now and he didn't regret having his heart broken, only he regretted not having his heart broken more often

Quote :

he didn't regret having his heart broken, only he regretted not having his heart broken more often

What do you mean by that?

("...that last post basically sums up my reaction to disappointment in general, simply I am never broken hearted for long..." said the goblin knowing that in order to be disappointed, or broken hearted for that matter, one has to commit oneself to whatever is the goal in hand, but not to dwell on defeat nor grow bitter in rejection, adding "...there is a lesson in defeat, but there is often self chastisement and self pity too, the rest of the dots add up from there then...")

"...one of the natural hazards in Switzerland is not so much normal floods, since this country is mostly mountains here, no, the problem here are those flash floods caused by giant leaks up in the glaciers, simply, one thinks of a glacier as ice when in fact there is always a runoff of melt water at its base, and that water often builds up inside the glacier too, until it suddenly burst out in a tidal wave..." said the goblin remembering the six canoeists who were killed last a few years back when exactly this happened, adding "...all the rivers whose source is a glacier have signs saying "don't walk by the river" and have no riverbank paths at all..." so in fact, Switzerland always strikes one as a safe country, but geologically, it's a lot more dangerous a place than either France or Germany next door

the goblin flicked over his thoughts like cards, one by one by one, the rain, though never strong, had fallen unabated since the morning many hours back now, the bistro lunch-hour had the goblin thinking about something had read almost by accident, "...so it wasn't a suicide pact, or even a suicide for that matter, they had been assassinated in all likelihood, and the crime covered up, why, because the investigation would have either pointed the finger of blame at Hungarian separatists, or to one of Austria's enemies Prussia or France perhaps, in a time where Austria's internal weakness was apparent...", the slot was listening equally shocked it seemed, "...goblin, lovers don't beat their partner to death, Rudolf would never have killed her in that way, and yet those police forensics were clear stating that Mary died of being beaten to death and that he had died of gunshot wounds after a struggle, ah but with whom then, so it had been an assassination, the Crown Prince didn't die in some lover's pact at all...", "...it means Slot..." the goblin continued looking up from the table "..."politics before truth" here, that whoever wanted this event to have repercussions, failed because the royal line of succession had many replacements, simply it was covered up in a way that the later assassination of his cousin Ferdinand in 1914 couldn't be, the history books are full of convenient lies then, and no one now wants to believe the truth when the lie is so much more romantic, but that's humans for you..."

the goblin greatest happiness was both "being alive" and being "able to reflect upon it", "...in fact, I suppose that I could base my happiness on external factors like, "health", "possessions", and "relationships"..." explained the goblin continuing "...but they're external happinesses that ill health, financial ruin, or simply old age would no doubt easily erode away, no my happiness, from this point on, must be found from within me and radiate outwards towards "dailylife" and not depend on "dailylife" itself, since old age will slap me in the face if I don't aim for something deeper in the end..."

"...ah mortals, the moment you talk about belief you simply don't know do you however much you may believe in it, but can you argue that "facing the slot" like this is not a "journey to self" then, so why do you try to believe when you can know for sure if you keep at it, because you won't find it outside yourselves, simply your "dailylife" will show you your outer self, while your facing the slot like this will show you what lies within, that's all..." ventured the goblin, adding "...when you look out at the night's sky, you think you see the infinite, you don't, you only see some galaxies, so when you look at the screen here you might as well think you see some infinite for all you actually see, and if you close your eyes too, it's the same amount of infinite you see as staring at those far stars again, so knowing this, the point is not "what one sees" at all, it's taking the time out of ones "dailylife" to contemplate the infinite, and finding ones own way to do so..."

the goblin was thinking of his past loves, saying "...funny, when someone dies, and they're "dead and gone" yet when someone close leaves, no matter how long ago that was, it still feels like they're "dead and here"..."

the goblin was thinking of the glaciers that push down from the mountain tops, and liking them to various factions in history that have vied with one another until only this one seemingly stable present day glacier remains, "...two factors then, make up man's history for me, they are "power" and "authority"..." ventured the goblin, understanding that there are countless examples where power alone has failed to become any resulting authority, and where authority has come about seemingly without power, the goblin continued "...oh, it is so easy to see how power works, but authority, my dear mortals, is more subtle as it works on gradual change to the status quo to its own advantage while feeding us with distractions and fears, authority is our acceptance of it and we are bonded to it, in that where there is no authority things simply fall into anarchism, a power struggle and then back to some authority once more...", the goblin was only pointing out here that to understand the workings of history, this society, or even where one fits into this situation then, one has to ask oneself "where is the authority in this"

repost from elsewhere

Quote :

The Zombie Queen decreed that death of all males, that they should be flayed alive and then chopped into small pieces and then burnt.....

the goblin noticed that queenbot had probably had a bad day the graveyard, saying "...just let your boyfriend whisper in your ear how very wicked you really are, and you will feel much better my queen...", the goblin seemed to remember that women like to be appreciated for their finer qualities

Quote :

did i win yet?

"...yes, you have won, and you remain winning every moment of your awake day, after all "to live is to win" is it not..." mentioned the goblin adding "...but you haven't really won much until one has answered that other question of "what in ones life is worth posting"..."

repost form elsewhere

Quote :

The Zombie Queen decreed that the Goblin must die, that he should be flayed alive and then chopped into small pieces and then burnt.....and then if he survives that, it should be repeated until he moves no longer!

the goblin thanked queen bot her passionate suggestions here, though he felt he had to decline the invitation knowing that at his age was against him now, saying "...I am not worthy o great queen but I am sure that someone like the other members here would find that experience ever so sensual then..."

repost from a goth's "last post" thread

another glorious posting day and the goblin wishes everyone every success in their wish to escape their own reality a bit longer, "...you're as rich as everything you don't want..." the goblin ventured, adding "...but you're always poor and alone in "dailylife", simply, this system couldn't survive if you were contented in it, it builds "want" in you and turns people into slaves by creating their own discontent here, buy into it and you are owned by it, and the moment ones present distraction ends, one craves the next one, but every distraction returns you to your "dailylife" doesn't it...",

the goblin somehow wanted to pass the essence of his existence through his pen so to speak, saying "...being happy is for others, I want to create so I want to be aware, being aware is often better and worse than being happy, "love" for example is not happiness, it is a mixture of many more emotions than that isn't it, and yet people it seems only want "happiness", ah but I am not so shallow in my expectations form this life then, I'll take all it offers me then..."

“...ah mortals, if you write like a book, one might become more readable in one sense, yes, but it also risks disaster too...” voiced the goblin, explaining “...simply, if one writes “like everyone else” does, then “like everyone else” is how it will turns out to be...”, and perhaps that point alone somehow freed the goblin form something that didn't really work in posts anyway

("...is this site dead..." asked the goblin who had often helped a site to survive, in that he never stopped posting to a site where the admin was strong enough to keep posting years even, saying "...if you run a site for some membership sake, of course it will fail, and fail rightly, that is because the admin must be on the site for her own creativity...", the goblin paused and then just added "...so you like writing you say, then write for me please...")

(( I'm trying. I'm working on a way to improve the sight, at the same time as I try and figure out how to get my inspiration back. I've been doing better though. I find that drawing helps my creativity, and I've gotten two really interesting story ideas, I'm just trying to figure out a good way to execute them. I'm new at writing, and I'm trying to learn as I go, but I certainly don't want this to fail.

I like your point though, it's something I haven't considered...I'll look at it from that point I think; doing the site from creativity and not just to get members. I like that idea.

I really have been working on a rather large addition to the site, something I think would be both fun and cool. I just need to get it done. ^---^ I'll have it done soon. It'll be cool.

Don't give up on me just yet, I know I can do this, I just need to smooth out the edges.))

(( After a bit of dash-work I managed to finish what I'd started. ^---^ The site finally wears the updates I've been working on for the past two weeks, and I've MADE time to finish them and incorporate them. this will make the site a whole lot more broad. Now I can do what I do best--I'm sorry, but doing this right here, trying to speak my mind, isn't my strong point. I've been trying and every time I sit down my mind goes blank.

What I can do is tell stories, to let my muse go wild. ^w^ It's fun. Now that I actually have the writing board open and ready for business I can get some writing done.))

the goblin today was thinking about someone who had had 1000 posts lost, because he had been banned from the site, "...well that explains why I have my own site in secret while posting across so many other sites too...", simply, any site could just lock the "last post" thread, or delete it, or again someone could try to edit the goblin's posts for that matter, or ban him outright leaving the "last post" open, or even that that site, or the server for that matter, could fold, crash, ask for money, whatever, but it just didn't matter to the goblin, since he would still be on the Internet, and on the other sites and servers would be his posts, for this then is the true enduring power of the Internet, so the goblin just concluded "...in fact, the I could become a beggar on the street in real life with nothing, but the Internet would still have these posts, and even after me..., perhaps..., ..."

repost from "storytime" thread elsewhere

Cookie had somehow known, his mind somehow went back to the point where they had first met in fact, and now, looking at her, the years had sharpened her stare as if highlighted by those thin lines that had formed from the corners of her eyes outwards, "...I had to do it Cookie, you know that, the company's in a bad way and honestly, if there was any other way, believe me I..., ..." she paused, looking into Cookie's face to gage his mind still drowning in the shock of it, numbed with disbelief perhaps but not quite dead, she continued anyway "...I would have kept you...", the slow silence of the office contrasted completely with muffled noise of the factory equipment heard through the door, while they just looked at each other with nothing more to say, in the end he pressed his hands hard down on the elbows of the chair to raise himself, then, standing up, he took the file in some fake army fashion, clasped it in his left hand under his shoulder, and accepted her handshake before making for the door, where, one final glance found her her still looking at him until she then purposely broke off the eye contact to correct something on the computer screen again, the handle opened the door inwards to a incoming wave of machine noise and human commotion as he walked slowly back to his work group though really he just had nothing to say to them, his life seemed all so lost now

repost from "storytime" thread

although their silence was never asked for, it just seemed given to this unfolding moment as each monk resigned himself to his own thoughts on this, their last cold rain swept Winter's morning together, how it was to them as if God himself had drawn some curtain of drizzling cloud tight around their solitary boats as they now rowed out against that short time left to them to reach the center of the lake, before they, and more importantly those three bells, had to perform that final act of defiance towards that Lord Protector and his roundheads, "...no, I see them still..." said the goblin looking across the lake on towards the ruined abbey in the background, adding "...writer's see ghosts in everything...", the abbot signaled, and the monks lifted the boards that let slip the heavy bells into the murky cold water that fast swallowed them into the dark depths below, the goblin's vision just followed the anguish of the scene through its repeating moments

repost from "welcome new members" thread, elsewhere

the goblin welcomes the new member saying "...it's all hush hush actually and I feel I can trust you here, but this site is, in fact, just a front for the "Homeland security service" and their operatives in their ongoing undercover work to root out the threat of cyber terrorism on the Internet...", the goblin paused knowing that it was all too hard to comprehend in one go, but he continued "...simply think about it, which site would you least expect a cyber attack to originate from, that is between some ultra smart nerdy eastern block country, the Taliban's site, the Nigerian spamming site, well those types of sites on the one hand, and, or, just somewhere like this site here then, where the members can, and do, manage to hit the "post" button from time to time, so that's right the members here are really sharp "Homeland security" operatives only pretending to be otherwise, very snide of them I know but in fact they're probably the best America has..."

"...we owe it to our past not to forget..." repeated the goblin, "...we owe it to ourselves now to keep on while we can..." the goblin always posted regardless and had posted to date to prove it, "...for this is a "last post" thread, to surrender to silence is to deny oneself the challenge of seeing what one can post, the real "win" is not in being "the last poster" in itself but to see if one can keep on posting regardless..." but it wasn't in any "regardless" manner that the goblin ever posted here, no, he was always aware of both "what" and "where" he posted

Stress.... We hear about it all the time. It's a killer, it will make someone gain weight, lose weight, lose appetite, GAIN appetite, and a whole host of other things. Problem is this: how do we avoid it? It's a problem for me right now. I have stress coming at me from every which way. I cannot think of anything right now that is NOT giving me stress in some way or another. It's working it's magic on me too. I'm gianing weight despite having cut back on my meal portions a little, I'm getting sick (I NEVER get sick), and it's making me think about things I swore to myself I would never think about again. At least I haven't had any more episodes since that one night. That was a horrific event no matter which way you slice it. But that is a story for another time. For now let's just say that life is getting me down, and I have yet to figure out how I'm going to get through this time. I will, but all this stress sure is making my life unbearable right now.

"I wish the real world would just stop hassling me" (Lyrics by Matchbox 20)

Oh, hey look: I won!!!!

"...thanks..." replied the goblin, continuing "...think of this thread as yours then, a chance to post anything you like and win by it, but any win is short lived as there can only ever be one actual last post, however don't get bogged down by just tagging the last place here, as it isn't "how often one wins here" that wins one anything much, more like "what one puts into those posts" that one wins out of them, as it shows you "who you are by what you post", simply it's a self benchmark here, so ones not really posting against anyone at all bar oneself that is, and one knows when one is actually posting as opposed to just tagging..." ventured the goblin who never tagged or, at least, tried not to

which was the moment the spacecraft landed and a little green alien said "...take me to your leader...", the goblin replied "...well, I don't know if he's actually the one you want, he's rather busy too, but a word of advise don't mention the housing crisis, health insurance, the price of petrol, global warming, the troops in Iraq, the deficit, gunlaws, unlawful detentions, torture and the exchange rate, second thoughts would you like Larry King or Jerry Springer instead..." to which the alien scratched his head, got back on his spaceship and whizzed away not quite sure what to make of the humans then, nor of the goblin for that matter

Quote :

"...how do I play the "last post" game..."

"...simply post whatever you feel like posting, whenever you feel like posting it, think of this as "you on stage" here then, improvise, and, if ever you become unstuck, ask yourself "what in my like is worth posting" each time, remember that no one knows who you are here, since you and I are just some portrayed personas hidden behind a mask on this Internet here are we not..." replied the goblin with his coffee at his desk again, remembering that most people just played it as "I win/you win" on these "last post" threads, that being their choice then, adding "...just another forum game to them then, what of it..." but to many others it had slowly made them aware of their own talent, "...and no, we're not just talking of "writing" here..." remarked the goblin, as some were quick at jokes, while others were into smileys, some illustrated with pictures, etc., to which they, if they were at all similar to the goblin here, had started to collect their stuff together into something like a scrapbook, for themselves most probably, but often for reposting elsewhere as well, the goblin returned to the topic "...so there's no need to post if you don't want to then, ah but then again, if you don't post something of yourself somewhere on the Internet, your "dailylife" wins hands down in your actual place, doesn't it..." and with that the goblin felt that the day had started well enough, with the sun slowly prizing away the last of previous night's cold grip, yet somehow the goblin feared the other extreme now, would the day become too hot in its turn then

repost from elsewhere, the "life, the universe, and everything" thread

Quote :

Quote :

"...how that post asks a lot of its reader xxxxxx..."

sure but at least mine makes sense...LOL

What you are referring to there, I think, is human construct. Where as what I refer to is truth biological. Am I correct?
You take human construct and project it onto immortal imagined beings, derived from your own imagination. You are projecting. It's a subtle difference and one I am not inclined to get into in this thread.Scientific based observation will prevail.

Why reference children as a higher than adult state of mind? They are not; never have been, never will be. A child's mind is limited by experience and is a clean slate, there is no other evidence beyond that. An adult's mind is not. An adult's mind may need lies for some delusion, for some reason, which is more like a child-like state of mind, like the delusion of religion.

As far as the American capitalist delusion...its just good'ol human wants and needs amplified by 250 million voices across the greater United States of north America. Nothing to get hysterical about.

the goblin returned, read though the posts above and wanted moreso to keep his post short, saying "...ah mortal, you think one human can ever know the whole truth, and then claim each theory in its turn is a delusion, when what you have is just another theory in its turn, humans for all their religious belief and scientific observation can only theorize at best...", simply the goblin knew that he should try to know the truth here, a truth that is as infinite as his own mental grasp of it was finite, no not that that would stop him trying he understood, "...simply humans in their weakness make props that they can lean on, perhaps calling it a delusion would be an ungenerous way of looking at it, no, it's a prop where otherwise an infinite hole in ones life would be, it plugs that hole that's all, hence adults, as I pointed out before, need this prop because their own sure little world collapses if they left that hole of the infinite open, "...OK, so let's have the theory of "the truth biological of scientific observation" then, when all I really need to knew is that this life is a "journey to self" here..." concluded the goblin off to make a coffee and to find a matching picture too

I win

You wish.

No, you wish, I'm stubborn.

Yeah but I'm the admin, I could totally lock this thread so that I have the last post and win forevers and evers.

You wouldn't do that.

Dude, she just might.

>=O She pwned you dude...coughIcoughwincough n_n

PS. Paramore - That's What You Get ftw.
PSS. http://pokemonss.forumotion.net/forum.htm

I'll never admit defeat foo'

>=T You wanna take this outside

OUTSIDE OF YOUR FACE!

Wait a second, that didn't make any sense at all...

>=O Oh you done it now. Put 'em up!

Raa, see!

You gonna lose, man. You ready for your dirt nap? >=(

Only if you're ready to kick the bucket

Ouch... ...okay you asked for it. >=| Bring it on, buddy!